...from a fan of Democracy: What he should have said...

Monday, January 28, 2008

What he should have said...

Madam Speaker, Vice President, members of the Supreme Court, members of Congress, esteemed guests,

The State of our Union is dire. My administration has failed our people, ignored and defiled the Constitution, and condemned our troops to die in an ill-advised and illegal war. We have consistently placed the greedy desires of a privileged few above the needs of the suffering majority of Americans. We have pursued policies that have contributed to the ruination of our environment, ignoring the solutions that are right in front of us. We have alienated our allies and increased the number and ferocity of the enemies of the United States. We have sullied the concept of government by, of and for the people. As an example of my gross ineptitude I will point out that I did not even give my staunchest supporters one thing I promised to do for them.

This will not be a long speech, because this august Congress will need some sleep as they have many long days and nights of work ahead to repair the damage my administration has done to America and American ideals.

(hands folder to Speaker Pelosi)

In short, I stand before you as truly the Worst President Ever, worse even than Nixon or Fillmore, guilty of international war crimes, treason, high crimes and misdemeanors. I have just given Speaker Pelosi a folder containing handcuffs and leg irons to slap on me without delay, as well as a document detailing my transgressions, naming all my co-conspirators in both government and business, and I humbly await whatever punishment this esteemed body wishes to dole out to me and co-traitor Cheney.

I cannot ask forgiveness of the American people, but I hope to someday stand before God and beg His forgiveness.

In the meantime, may Almighty God bless America and I pray that my future cellmates have at least some mercy on my pooper.

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The 14 Points of Fascism

1.) Powerful and Continuing Nationalism - Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.
2.) Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights - Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of "need." The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.
3.) Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause - The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial, ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc.
4.) Supremacy of the Military - Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.
5.) Rampant Sexism - The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Opposition to abortion is high, as is homophobia and anti-gay legislation and national policy.
6.) Controlled Mass Media - Sometimes the media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.
7.) Obsession with National Security - Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses
8.) Religion and Government are Intertwined - Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government's policies or actions.
9.) Corporate Power is Protected - The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.
10.) Labor Power is Suppressed - Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated entirely, or are severely suppressed.
11.) Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts - Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free _expression in the arts is openly attacked, and governments often refuse to fund the arts.
12.) Obsession with Crime and Punishment - Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations
13.) Rampant Cronyism and Corruption - Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.
14. Fraudulent Elections - Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against or even assassination of opposition candidates, use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and manipulation of the media. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.